An Open Letter to the Bio-Mom: Things I'll Never Stop Doing

First and foremost I’d like to say that OUR blending is a unique experience in it’s own. Any writings are relayed in a manner that fits our family’s particular situation. While not ALL blended family characteristics are the same, I THOROUGHLY attempt to broaden my horizons and write in a way that is helpful to all. It is my UTMOST priority to convey a message that is indicative of such.


It’s with hesitance that I write you this letter. We’re confined to a situation with so much gray area in-between, that it is hard to know what words may be said. Our story began long before I came into the picture. Years of history entwined with the present. Now here we all are.

Now I’m a figure. I’m a permanent fixture in your son’s life. For much of the week he wakes up, and mine is one of the faces he sees. These decisions we’ve made have molded our lives into something new. More importantly, they have transformed a child’s life. So it’s important to me that I speak to you. It’s important that I reach out to you as the future step-mother to your child and let you know who I really am and what my intentions are when it comes to your son. I’m writing you this letter. A letter I’ve designed to give you an idea of all the things that as a ‘Step Mom,’  I’ll never stop doing.


This decision I made- to become a part of your child’s life, was a decision I did not make in haste. I didn’t wake up one day and decide to, ‘just go with the flow.’ Because I don’t think relationships that involve children should be taken lightly. Children deserve normalcy and stability in their lives. They don’t deserve to develop trust or gain love and affection for a parent’s partner- only for that person to be stripped from their lives. When I entered a relationship with your son’s father, I entered a relationship with him too. That means I’ll love him. Everyday, through the good and bad I’ll love him. I’ll never stop loving him. When I decided to become a part of his life, he then became the very best part of mine. And I’m never giving that up.


Because I love him, I’m never going to stop doing everything in my power to provide for him the best life possible. I’ll fight for it. Even if one day that means fighting you on it. And I hope you understand that. I want nothing more than for him to live a love-filled life with endless opportunity, positive influence, and success. I’m a fighter. I always have been. I want him to have the best education, the best resources available to him, and the best people in his surroundings to emulate. Rest assured that as long as I’m involved in his care I will never stop fighting for what’s best for him.


There will never be a day I won’t be jealous of  what you’ve had with what is now my new family. Just like I’m sure there will never be a day where you won’t be jealous of what I now have with them. We’re women, and its in our programming. But I promise to never let it get in the way of giving your son a loving and supportive family unit, all around.


Regardless of my marital status, how long I’ve been at it, or whether I have children too, I will never stop considering myself as a mother figure to your child. That’s just an opinion of mine and those around me that will never change.

While I may not have given birth to your son, he is consistently in my care . Every morning I wakeup early (although my job does not require it of me) and pack his lunch before school. I’m at parent conferences, open houses, and soccer practices. I’m always there supporting him. I pick him up from school each day, do schoolwork with him, and make him a home cooked meal each night. I  contribute in buying him new clothes and school supplies, and gift him tremendously. I help tuck him in each night. I help teach him table etiquette and always aid in helping him learn the difference between right and wrong. I continually make an effort to enrich him with every opportunity I can. I’m no babysitter. I’m not a glorified nanny. I am another mother figure to him. Most importantly, he sees and acknowledges that too.


All those things I do? I’ll never stop doing them. I’ll never stop emailing his teachers for updates on his progress, or texting you for updates on how he’s doing when I think he may be getting sick. I’ll never stop scheduling his doctors appointments and I’ll never stand back whenever it comes down to making major decisions in his life. It’s important to me to be in the front row showing him the support he deserves. In twenty years when he looks back on his childhood, I want him to see a woman who never once treated him like anything other than her own child.


There will be times we might disagree. The world wasn’t meant for us all to have the same thoughts and ideas. Regardless of whether we always see eye-to-eye or not, I’ll never stop trying to bring forth a positive relationship with you. My parents split when I was thirteen. To this day they still hate each other. I don’t want your son to ever wonder if both sets of his parents will be there for his graduation, or his wedding day. I don’t want him to ever worry that we won’t all get along. I’ll never bad mouth you in front of him, and I hope you’d do the same for us too. Life is too short to harbor hate and negativity. And your son deserves nothing but happiness surrounding him.

This journey we’re embarking on is life-long. You and I will always be there. I want nothing more than the very best for your son, just like I’m sure you do as well. Every day I’m so happy to be a part of his life and to continue to watch him grow. It’s my hope that we can spend our days positively providing him the most loving life possible. He deserves the world and so much more.

I’m so thankful to you for bringing this wonderful little person into this world. And I can’t wait to see what his future holds.