A new occurrence has taken me by surprise. So suddenly, I’ve become to someone the figure I never knew I would be. And for the first time in my life, I’m genuinely honored, and proud to be who I am. Even if it is “the worst mom ever.”
No I’m not expecting, so hold your horses. Let me explain.
It started with battle at the kitchen table. I’d just asked Ry to go to the corner for using a nasty word. With a mouth full of Uncrustable, he exclaimed it. “You’re the worst mom ever!”
Me. I’m the worst mom ever.
The worst MOM ever.
Let me back up for a minute, because I realize for those of you just tuning in, you might not understand the significance of this statement. To start off, Ry is not my son (biologically speaking). He is Michael’s son from a previous marriage. While our home IS his primary house and technically speaking I DO hold a strong role as a “mother figure” to him, I would never, nor have I ever expected him to refer to me as any version of “mom.” After all, little dude has a mom. And if you’ve followed along my journey at all, you’d know Ry held a bit of disdain even for the term, “step-mom” there for a while. (I’ve written all about this experience in my post, The Step-Mom Meltdown.) Respecting this huge transition in his life, I’ve never pushed any title. (I mean technically speaking I didn’t even hold one!) I’ve never seen it to matter. But a few months ago, something changed.
I don’t know if it had anything to do with the fact that he knew Michael was going to propose to me, but all of a sudden he started dropping statements like, ” I can’t wait for you to be my step-mom” and “You’re gonna be the best step-mom ever.” And I was like, woah! Where is all this coming from?! I mean, I wasn’t complaining. Obviously I was ecstatic. It was so heartwarming to know that he was so excited for me to officially become that permanent fixture in his life.
And then he calls me the worst mom ever.
In my head I was like, “Dude, nothing you could say right now could negate the fact that you just referred to me as a mom.” I knew not to get too ahead of myself though. Sometimes kids say things they don’t mean. But the “moms” didn’t just stop there.
Casually he’s dropping them about in random conversation. Never directly calling me, “mom” but continually describing me as a “mother.” As if he’s getting a taste for the term and the association, and beginning to like it.
And while it might not seem a big deal to some, this new vernacular says everything to me about how far we’ve come. Who knew so much could happen in such a short time. Not long ago, I was just daddy’s girlfriend, that he was excited to go to the park with weekdays before it got dark. And now I’m really someone to him, and goodness that means the world to me.
I came into this so blindly. I didn’t know what any of it meant. I couldn’t slightly comprehend the true definition of love until I stumbled upon his little five year old life. And although it’s been a huge adjustment for me, going from being a single lady (with no kiddos) to a predominant parent-figure, I wouldn’t trade one bit of it. I’d give my last breath and so much more for him, because he’s given me so much more than words can explain. He’s shown me what it means to be a good mother.
I’m not his mom, and I know that. I never did like the idea of stealing that title from someone. But he’s starting to think of me as that figure, and I couldn’t be more grateful. I just want to give him everything I have. What I’ve loved for so long is our connection without the blood. His love for me grew gradually and continues to grow everyday, and our genes didn’t predetermine that, but his heart’s determined who I am to him.
Worst MOM ever.